Retirement Party for the Old You

Posted on April 14, 2012

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Life isn’t easy, it’s a process.  With the highs come lows, and you know.  I’m sure you’ve experienced a heart ache or two before.  With sarcasm, I can say the last few months have not been the most delighted in the personal department.  I have no worries about the career, it seems to be making head-way, but you can only hide yourself behind work for so long.  Most friends know me as a ‘Conquer the World’ gal, but the last months I have been nothing shy of a pseudo-hermit; my happy-go-lucky self slowly slithered into a dark hole.  Why? I was going through some pretty evident heart-aches.

As long as there is tremendous love and emotion, separation anxiety will kick in when there’s a break-up.  And truthfully, the details about how and what happened isn’t part of my point — at all.  My point is, when you’re in love, you don’t know what it is to think about living without someone… so what happens when you HAVE TO!?  It’s pretty darn devastating.  It’s pretty tragic and it feels like everything you knew (or thought you knew) has to be questioned all over again.

Well… that was me.  I had Fool’s Love and when it ended I came down with a bad case of separation anxiety…and a really bad case of it.  I had loss of appetite, I couldn’t sleep, and after I did, I didn’t want to get out of bed.  I was emotional if I wasn’t working.  I would cry randomly.  You know the break-up stereotypes?  I fell into the statistic; a full blown emotional mess.  Luckily I had great friends to help me get back on my feet… and after some time, it just made sense that I come out of my cave.

At the low, I realized:

I was a mess!

I was an emotional wreck!

I was weak!

I was unstable!

I was sad!

I was down-right pathetic!

I was not making sense!

I was not understanding  & losing sleep!

I was not focused!

I was not healthy!

I was not being honest with myself!

I was not being Happy!

The “Old Emi” Needs to Go:

My friends have been absolutely amazing!  They’ve listened to me through all the stages of this process (and there have been many).  They saw the random acts of crying.  They heard me sniff-sniff when I turned away.  They said I looked fine when I had swollen eyes the size of golf-balls.  They brought home the bottle of wine and Oreos and sat with me… man; there have been some rough moments!  But it’s a process… and sometimes it gets the best of us.  There’s no cure all for a broken heart (but if I invent one, I’m sure you’ll be notified and I’ll sell it on this website).  After the fact I realized I totally went through so many perspective changes in a relatively short period of time.

Sometimes in the ugly there is beauty… at least that’s what they say.  And my first glimpse of that beauty was when my friends had a surprise “Old Emi Retirement Party.”  They figured the best way to go out with the old and in with the new was by throwing me a party… so that’s what they did.  They surprised me with all the party goodies one night after work at my house. The most important thing I can say, is the next morning I truly felt a thousand times better.  We weren’t celebrating good riddance to the relationship per se (’cause he’s a great guy), but really celebrating progression into the next stage of my life as a stronger Emi.

I was a mess! … and now just lost 7lbs and looking better than ever -whoop whoop!

I was an emotional wreck! … and now hold a better grip

I was weak! … and now tapping into new strength

I was unstable! … and now I’m unstoppable

I was sad! … and now realize Life happens!

I was down-right pathetic! … and now, I know it happens to the best of us

I was not making sense! ... and now totally accept that heart-ache’s don’t make sense

I was not understanding & losing sleep! … and now little by little can waking up less

I was not focused! … and now have  clearer path

I was not healthy! ... and now training for my first half-marathon!

I was not being honest with myself … and now I know love makes you do silly things

I was not being Happy… and now I’m working on becoming a better me.

At the Root:

In life we get really big jolts–earthquake style incidents that just make us screech to a complete halt.  More than just a “WARNING” sign, they’re catastrophic life-changing awakenings that force us to reflect as to what is going on.  I don’t fully understand everything that’s happened in the last 3 months, but I know that it happened and I can’t change any of it.  Life has a reason as to why things that don’t make sense happen, it’s called Life.  I’m use to always having an answer; or at least a spin or witty remark.  With the heart, there isn’t any of that.  There’s a phrase I use to use, “Stupid heart, can’t you listen to the Brain!”  The point is the heart is going to feel and the brain isn’t.  The brain is usually going to make a little more sense than the heart.  With a positive support system, time, and a few bottles of wine or tequila, it gets easier.

I read this on Facebook today and thought it fitting to include:

“Our highest power is love, and it is one thing each of us has an unlimited amount of. How much love do you give to others in one day? Each day we have an opportunity to set out with this great, unlimited power in our possession, and pour it over every person and circumstance. Love is appreciating, complimenting, feeling gratitude, and speaking good words to others.  We have so much love to give, and the more that we give, the more we receive.” From The Secret Daily Teachings by Rhonda Byrne

There are many layers to Growing|Slim and this experience has helped me unlock yet another.  Accepting that I’m right back to zero sucks, but I loved like I never had before.  (You know that Fool’s Love that’s just pure… yeah, that one!)  I proved to myself that I was able to trust and stand on cloud 9.  And THAT, is a great quality and realization to take away.

 Maybe next time…

 

A great resource that I found (after the fact) is this link: How to Get over a Break-Up

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Posted in: Perspective